I’ve been jealous of other women.  I’ve talked about other women. I’ve judged other women. And I have been afraid to step into my voice and leadership as a woman because of the fear of how I will be seen and judged by other women.

And so have you.

It started when we were little and centered around who was pretty, or smart, or a good dancer or who had the most friends. Social games and hierarchies formed. Beliefs of scarcity kept us thinking that if she had something, it was more, better or less than what I had. Perhaps this old paradigm is what (according to feminist and Jungian analyst Marion Woodman) keeps most feminine leaders in a women’s group only around for an average of seven years before she is literally “taken down from the top” by other women.

This is no longer acceptable to me. This is no longer something I can just “be aware of” and not speak about.  We wage war in the fight for equality. We want a voice and we demand to be seen and considered just as capable as our male counterparts. Yet, I don’t believe that we can continue to just blame the patriarchy of men for “holding us back”. We must all take some responsibility. We are holding ourselves back from true equality when we are constantly tearing down other women. Bitter words, character deformation, and harsh judgments show up in blogs, in whispers, in snide under your breath comments.
 

“What’s her deal? Who does she think she is? Must be nice to look like that. She isn’t even that good. She’s just out for herself. She got special treatment. She’s going to steal all the business because people will like her more.” 

 
Women need to support other women fiercely. We need to heal this.

And so last year on our Bye Bye Good Girl Getaway in Cancun, we proposed that during our time together, we would discuss and agree to honor what we coined the Code for Badass Women. Since that time, I have instituted it in every group program I’ve run. It’s become a soul purpose to honor this code, create true community and teach others to do the same.
 

The code is simple: No gossiping. Look within.

Whenever we become part of a group of women, socially or professionally, it’s likely that someone is going to do something, say something or maybe even breath in a way that might annoy you, anger you, hurt you, or just plain ol’ rub you the wrong way. I know this will inevitably happen because we are creating a microcosm of our own. You will experience a reflection of what is going on within you. And so – when you feel frustrated, uncomfortable, jealous or angry toward anyone in the group including the leaders, instead of gossiping, alienating, or tearing down, or even “venting” about that woman or that situation, the Code for Badass Women asks you to look within. Look at what is being triggered within you. Look for the deeper message or limiting belief that is tied up in your negative emotion that you’ve projected onto another woman. What is happening outside that is a refection of what is going on within you?  How can you grow from it and most importantly, who do you want to be in response to it?

We need practice and training and models for how to navigate conflict in a healthy way. We must learn to have courageous conversations when needed instead of defaulting back to seeking solace in the happy hour wine sipping of validation that sounds like, “It isn’t just me, right?  She really is a bitch, isn’t she?”

We need to heal us. We need to stop being threatened by what other women do and have and say.

Let us – this community of badass visionary women, be the change we want to see in the world. Join me in being a group of women who know how to show up and support each other in collaboration instead of competition. Let us each rise up and rise above old patterns and learn to navigate conflict in love instead of with venom. Let us be examples of women who can appreciate differences and choose to grow instead of sitting in judgment. Let us be the example of feminine leadership who live in beliefs of abundance and the knowledge that when one of us succeeds and shines, we all do.

I am committed to creating a community, a tribe of women, where each woman can be truly celebrated in all her power without the fear of rejection. I am committed to creating space in my life for women to fully be supported in her vulnerabilities and healing without fear of it being seen as a weakness.

And so in order to do this we need two things – we need commitment to this code and we need your willingness to trust and open to others. We can go farther and do so much more together than we can apart and isolated. We aren’t meant to change the world alone. I need you and your voices and your dreams to create the world I want to live in. I need you. You need me. We need each other. Let our connection shine the light that makes the world brighter.

Join me in pledging commitment to honoring the Code for Badass Women or give your thoughts below. Please consider forwarding this message or posting to social media.

I want to deepen my sacred self care. I want to deepen into healing and body work and yoga and massage.

Cuz here’s what’s happened… I have labeled investing into my business as *important* and investing into my self-care as *that thing I’ll do when I make more money.*

It’s a bull shit story, and I’m catching myself in it. Thousands of dollars into business launches are OK, $100 for healing work???—Nah, I’ll pass.

What?!
 

How backwards! How unfulfilling. How interesting.
 

Because this shows me how I honor (or don’t honor) the things that I value.

So here’s what I say I honor…

• Self-expression (happening)
• Family time (not so happening)
• Sacred self-care (not consistently happening)
• Nature (totally happening)

It is interesting to notice where I align with my values and where I skimp.

I’m the TYPE A gal that gets shit done. And, I have really looked at shifting my perspective around where creation REALLY matters (way before the action part, it starts with belief). And I have done some major shifting. Less work. More play. More breaks. More art. More breathing. And yet still… slowing down with consistent healing practices like yoga, body work, massage… still feel like a luxury.

 
Well, no more people. No more, I say. I am going public with this and sharing it with you because it is my declaration to the Universe. I am taking a stand for ME.

Here’s how…. I had an amazing pranic healing session a couple weeks ago and I’m going back. I am hot yoga’ing it up. I am taking nature breaks. And I actually schedule those things into my calendar. Oh and the family thing? I’m starting a yearly gathering for all my out-of-state loved ones to come join in.

So, I ask you… where do you skimp? What values do you do you ignore because of *money* or *time* stories?
 

There is no one day, someday. There is no when I, then I. That’s the sad story we feed ourselves to take the bite off what we really desire. We soothe our soul with “one day” lies. I say, take what you value and honor it NOW.

And if you my beautiful badass, value vacations, play and sacred sisterhood… but would never ever dream of investing in all-inclusive trip to Cancun… I say, “Why not?”

And I don’t say that lightly.
 

Our Bye Bye Good Girl Getaway is not a someday, one day dream. It is happening in October. And the AMAZING discount for it is happening now. Not someday. Now.

Are you in? Check out what happens on this trip by going here: Click me, badass!

And more importantly, send us an email, set up a connection call with Regena and I to see if this vacay is a YES for you… and receive $300 off the trip NOW.
 

Ok, let’s get real. I have a trillion. Cuz I’m a concoction of wild creativity and Type A cray-cray.

And if you can relate to that combo, this post is for you.
 
Last week, I was creating a new program I want to launch and was feeling inspired, excited, and aligned. But then, as I jot down ideas and am about to transition from right brain creativity into left brained action, I get a nasty thought.

It goes something like this, “Why are you creating this program if your BIG badass vision is to perform? You should just be performing and building that vision.”

And with that quick thought, it was like I was moving into quick sand. Luckily, my Wise Woman caught me just as I was about to go down and reminded me of this truth…
 

It doesn’t have to be either/or.

 
Either/or is a common trap of the Good Girl. And it’s a BS booby trap that can paralyze our creativity and keep us stuck in lack. Here’s the thing, we are so used to using our mind. The one lives that in our head. And that brain thinks in either/or terms. But we have another mind. It’s in our gut. It’s our intuition, our knowing, our right brained creativity. And when you’re aligned with that… it’s all groovy-the-world-is-mine kinda flow. I know I’m in that place when ease and excitement seem to simultaneously stir in my body. But then…

Inevitably, we have to move into left brained action. Structure. Planning. And that!—that is when we move back into our brain and the “reason” pops in. And of the many reasonable things that comes up is this either/or idea. And the badass vision can feel not so badass.
 

So if this happens to you, here are my tips:

• Go back to the drawing boards. In other words, step out of planning and go back to why and what. Forget the how. When you vision the why does it excite you? Tune into how you felt before you went all left-brained and do a check in. Aligned? Happy? Inspired? You’re on the right track.

• Once you get all inspired again, then you can go back to planning. But only once you have your feet firmly planted in the inspiration of it all.

• Remind yourself that life doesn’t have to be either/or. On the journey to badass visioning we birth many desires and they don’t all have to (logistically) feed the BIG vision in a linear (left brained) way. Besides, the very fact that YOU are the one creating these visions feeds the bigger vision. You are the one that connects the dots. You are the one gaining some kind of life experience. And guess what?

 
You are not one thing. Share your either/or experiences below.
 

What began as a present to Matt unfolded into a weekend of surprises, art, music and  inspiration.

We didn’t have a lot of plans, and we didn’t take any tours. We followed our curiosity and created our own adventures. We sat and watched amazing street bands, ate local food, listened to jazz, admired flower box laden balconies and met local artists.  I watched musicians and tourists and locals live in the beauty and bliss of the moment – dancing to the melody, clapping to the beat, and smiling as they sang. I snapped pictures, laughed out loud, (didn’t worry about my email), and radiated happiness.
 
 
I wondered -

Why don’t I do this more? 

I got clear -

I want more art, music, travel  and inspiration in my life.

and I began badass visioning.
 
 

I began dreaming of how to take more trips and started the list of places want to visit. I began imagining the kind of house I want to create that feels less like a pottery barn catalog and more like an art gallery. I no longer want to lose artistry because my business is busy.  I don’t want to just buy from Target because its easy and cheap. I want to collect and wear unusual and unique one of a kind type pieces from furniture to jewelry. I want to hear more live music. I want to be surrounded by people who inspire me.

I thought about my own creative expression and projects and recommitted to bringing my own version of art to the world.
 
 

How can I bring this feeling home with me and infuse more of it into my life?

 
How can you?
 

Here are some of my ideas… 

 
Go for a walk and bring a camera. Capture the beauty in the little details, angles and new perspectives.

Go to a new locally owned restaurant and ask about their specialties and order it (especially if you wouldn’t normally).

Check your surrounding area for upcoming festivals and go check one out.

Get out your paints, pastels, pens, or clay and create something.

Write a poem, a journal entry, a story.

Read poetry, fiction or the thoughts or biography of a visionary that inspires you.

Find a place that plays regular live music and experience it.

Dance and sing in your kitchen to your favorite songs in high school. Use a spatula as your microphone.

Go to a art showing or gallery and walk around just seeing what you like. Allow yourself to fall in love with an artist or piece.

Get in your car and go to a nearby city you haven’t spent much time in. Park downtown and walk around exploring.

Start planning your next vacation.

Take the afternoon off of work and go someplace you’ve never been. Invite a friend to go with you.

Surprise someone.
 

 
Got more ideas or one you want to try? Post your comments and ideas below.

We’re talking about THE very spectacular, badass Pink. Yes, the one whose theme song we’ve taken on as our own. “Raise your glass if you are WRONG in all the RIGHT ways. We will never be anything but LOUD.”

Before I share what this Pink concert meant to us, I want to demonstrate the list of reasons we had to NOT go see this show…

The concert was on the last day of our retreat and our energy would be in a different space…. not “concert” kinda space. More like “reflect and relax” kinda space.

The Pink concert tickets we wanted were more than twice as much as the original price they went on sale for.

There were cheaper tickets in the nosebleed section. Wasn’t it smarter to get those? Or not go at all?

Also, were the more expensive tickets worth it? We couldn’t even tell if they were from a reliable ticket agency. What if we overpaid and the seats were sucky? The diagram of the stadium on the sales page looked confusing. Would we even see the stage?

Maybe we would just forget it.

We could go see Pink another time.

It’s just a concert after all. No. Big. Deal…

Except it was.
 

This is what the Pink experience meant to me…

 
I got inspired. And not like a little bit. Pink rocked her show the way I want to rock my events, my art, and my biz. All out. Full on self-expression. No apology.

Pink represented ALL the many sides of being human. Her opening line was, “what up, bitches?” And she said it in her sarcastic, fierce way. The Warrior was in full effect. Belly baring clothes. Erotic moves. She sauntered.

But then, she sang her ballads about love, about family and her heart was so wide open. She was vulnerable. The masks peeled off. The soul exposed.

And then, Mama Pink made her appearance. Pics with her baby girl. Compassion. Love. Right there. So palpable.

She represented the BBGG saying: YOU ARE NOT ONE THING.
 

She gave us permission to be wild and graceful, loud and soft, naked and clothed, raw and raunchy.

 
I sang so loud. I danced so hard. And my mantra for the night was, “I’m so happy. I’m just so happy.” Like a broken record, I repeated the words.

I felt the kind of joy you feel when you’re a child. I felt the kind of joy you feel when you’re in love. I felt the kind of joy you feel when art punctures through the veil of what we call “life” and reveals spirit. Truth.

On the outside, to others who aren’t living my life, don’t know about my dreams, and don’t understand what fuels me… the action of taking myself to see Pink might seem silly or insignificant. But to me, it is major.

My Magical Child wanted to see Pink. My Wise Woman gave me permission to do so. And my Badass had the time of her life. This night will stay with me forever. When Reg and I invested in those tickets, we were really investing in the experience. We were saying yes to abundance and yes to desire and yes to life and yes to art and yes to joy and yes, yes, yes to our inner truth.

We invite you to do the same.

What I really want to talk about is what I don’t want to admit.
 

Good Girl Confession #57

Being busy is my validating badge of honor and my favorite excuse. And lately it’s become my new 4-letter word.

 
According to Webster, “busy” is defined as:

 
I’d like to think I am engaged in useful action and full of activity. Yet sometimes, I wonder if I have become foolishly active and full of distracting detail?
 

I’m busy, crazy busy. That’s actually what I tell people when they ask me how I am.   Of course, the more I tell people that I’m busy the more I buy into it. The faster the pace, the more overwhelmed and anxious I can become. Lately, I’ve felt rushed and frenzied.  I can feel myself spinning. I’m SO busy.

Yet, I think I like telling people that I’m busy. It means I’m doing something, and doing something means I must be important. It’s one of the beliefs of my good girl. It’s the set up of the superwoman: If I’m doing and serving, then I’m valuable. Consequently if I’m not doing (aka not busy) then I must not be valuable or successful. Having a filled calendar is my badge of honor. A way to prove to myself and to everyone else that I am accomplishing something. Afterall, I’m f*ing busy.

I use being busy as an unconscious excuse not to take care of the things that are really important. Excuses like why I haven’t gotten the mammogram I should have gotten last year, or meeting a friend for coffee, or tracking my finances, planning more weekend adventures, picking up the phone, or writing the new copy. I use being busy to cover up for things slipping through the cracks and all the things I’m scared to do. And the horrible, ugly and shameful confession that I don’t want to admit is this: I tell the long story of ALL the things that I have on my plate, so you will either forgive me, be inspired by me, feel bad for me, or so you won’t even ask me. I want to be sure you know that I am crazy busy. But I’m realizing that it’s my excuse as to why I can’t fully live my life the way I desire.
 

WTH.
 

What I’m realizing is that I don’t want to be so busy that I miss out on my life. I don’t want to keep achieving if I don’t have time for the simple pleasures and the important people in my life. I really want more simplicity, ease, fulfillment, love and joy. I want to call more of than in then I do more busy-ness business. I have the same amount of time as anyone else. I choose to be and say that I am busy. I choose to be distracted and frenzied and rushing. And if I choose that, then I can also choose something different, starting with

• changing my language and attitude around my time

• re-prioritizing what’s most important and making time for it

• getting more support

• managing my time differently.

 
I don’t have to work harder to be more successful. That is good girl BS.

I’m not going to tell you I’m crazy busy anymore and wipe the sweat from my brow. I’m going to tell you that I’m doing things I’m excited about, and yes, I do have time to go for a walk.
 
 
What is being “crazy busy” costing you? How do you use “crazy busy” as your excuse? Have any a-ha moments or have any wisdom to share?

But at some point in the last few years being private collapsed and turned into “handling ish on my own” “not wanting to bother others with my woes” and “they won’t understand anyway, so why bother?”

And so I didn’t. Bother.

And Good Girl confession #56 is that I carried a lot of weight on my shoulders and didn’t reach out for help. And I felt lonely. Like I had to do everything by myself (a common Good Girl BS move).

I am happy to say that this is turning around for me—like majorly.

Because 2013 (for me at least) is about NOT doing it alone.

So…

I now have not one—but two– mastermind groups where I share, ask for help and return the energy flow by supporting my sisters (shout out to my Moon Circle and my Femmamind Genius gals!!)

I have spilled some of my most personal, deepest desires (and fears) to a (very) select group of women (shout out to Regena Garrepy for being one of them)…

This is starting to feel like the Oscars where I thank everyone for their support…

Or maybe that’s just my Alter SheEgo Dramatic Daisy talkin…

I have told my little sis many things that the old me would never evah share. Cuz that’s just how we (used to) roll. I’m the “mother” archetype. And she’s… not.

I’ve even talked to my mom! This is big for me people. Really big.

This is what I’ve learned in my adventure of sharing my truth…

• It feels goooooood to be supported in many different areas by many different women.  Tip for you? Get support for your life, your biz, your relationships and anywhere you need some love.

• Sharing personal stuff isn’t for all ears. I am selective. I am picky. I only want to share with those that won’t judge, can see past the BS and can cheerlead for MY joy. Tip for you? Be selective. We’ve all been hurt by women that were too judgmental, too critical, or too whatever. But we’ve pulled back too far in the name of protecting our hearts. The problem? We’ve neglected our truth. You know who you vibe with and trust. And if you don’t have a large selection of cheerleaders, that’s what mentors and coaches are for

• It’s ok to be private (a’ la mysterious) AND it’s ok to share when I need support.  Tip for you? You have permission to check in and see… where do you feel shame and blame and fear? That’s a good indicator that it’s time to let that stuff out.

My 2 cents? The next time you feel lonely, all alone, and like you have to do it by your lonesome self… share.

Cuz like I always say… true sisterhood? Is. MAGICAL.

And so my Good Girl Confession #55

I got derailed by the details.

I know the only “perfection” that can be found is in the surrender and acceptance of what is – basking in the perfection of exactly what shows up. That sounds all intellectually and spiritually great when I’m on the other side of panic….But in the world of a Good Girl, when you are running a huge and important event, and you want it to go the way you envisioned…it’s easy to lose track of the big picture.

A week ago, I welcomed almost 200 people as the co-chair of the TUT Infinite Possibilities Train the Trainer Conference in Seattle Washington with Mike Dooley (Notes from the Universe). I love this work and spent hours developing the Presenter’s Guide and planning the agenda, making my checklists, practicing my speeches, etc., and I wanted it to go well. Ok, better than well. I wanted it to go seamlessly.

And it did. In the end, the participants left feeling inspired and connected and glad they came.

But on Saturday night as dinner is about to be served, when the kitchen is telling me they have plated exactly the counts I told them, and two vegetarians are telling me they are gluten-free and the Vegetarian meal is pasta, and we’ve run out of chicken tickets, my calm grounded self began to heighten because I started to worry that it was all unraveling. I was getting derailed by the details.

And I thankfully caught my good girl going into that spiral – which comes down to the core of my Good Girl issues - I didn’t want people to be upset with me.  (As if I had all the power to control that).

So, here are five quick tips I used when I got derailed by the details and needed to get back on track.

1.  Get Grounded. When the details start to unravel, it’s time to get grounded and stay in your body instead of getting caught up in your head. Once you catch that your mind is spinning off into negative thinking – “It’s all falling apart. How did I not see this? This is my fault. I’m in trouble now.” then connect to your breath. Stop and feel your feet on the floor and breath in and out slowly allowing your pulse and breathing to regulate, releasing tension as you become present to the moment – not the future and not the past. In my head I saw the iconic English crown and the famous saying, “Keep calm and carry on.”

2.  Focus on the Big Picture Outcome. The bigger picture was that this conference was a success and the participants were being inspired and transformed. This snafu wasn’t going to make or break the conference. This was a training on “Infinite Possibilities that begin with our thoughts,” so I envisioned the final outcome working out beautifully and proceeded as if it was all going to work out fine. And It did – but only after I let go of trying to make all the details play out the way I wanted.

3.  Enlist help. You don’t always have to do it all alone. I have often found myself doing what others could do because I wanted to make sure it got done right, or I didn’t want to burden anyone or (and this is hard to admit) I wanted to be the hero. I have since learned that the more people who can contribute, the more pride, participation and ownership there is in the project or event which leads to more energy, passion and success. I’ve found that people are more than willing to help, so let them!

4.  Make a request for what you want. I have experienced and witnessed the inclination to hold back, or sacrifice or settle. When we are grounded and open and clear, we can confidently ask for what is needed and wanted at the time. I had to ask the kitchen for another solution, I had to ask guests to be patient, I had to solve the problem quickly and efficiently without apology.

5.  Lighten Up and Laugh. I always like to remind myself of this statement, “one day, this will be funny.” My good girl likes to act as if the mistake, the missed detail, the problem is the end of the world. It’s not. It’s always going to lead to growth of some sort and most likely it’s only as big as you make it. So, I’ve learned to do all four of the steps above and then just shake it off and lighten my load by laughing at it.

Don’t get derailed by the details when things don’t go the way you envisioned. Assure your good girl that it will all be ok no matter what – then go make her some tea and cookies.

I must confess, I have done NOTHING in these past few weeks. Oh, I’ve taken a hot yoga class or two. I’ve become a rent-a-move freak. I’ve visited some of my bff’s. And ate. And laughed. And ate some more.

But on the whole, most of my days were spent in my pjs.

And I confess some more, throughout my jammy-filled weeks, words popped into my head which formed sentences like, “Oh you lazy lass you.” “So unproductive!” “You’re just stalling from taking action on your bigger dreams. Do you think Marie Forleo or Bethanny Frankel or Beyonce relax?!”

Not long ago, mind you, I wrote a piece about this winter season being a time for slow down, stillness, space. And if you rewind back to a few weeks ago, I was all good with doing “nothing.” Cuz I knew that “nothing” is really the quiet center of creation. “Nothing” is the womb of something about to unfold and unwind and uncoil. It’s there, waiting for you. Waiting for your attention. Waiting for you to get to the space in between the chatter and actually… listen.

But somewhere in between the bites of Babycakes (addicted) and Barbara Streisand flicks, I panicked. It was like my internal relaxo-mometer had reached a fevered pitch. And. I. Felt. Dirty. I felt like I had to do something, anything to be… productive!!! And that’s when I had a minor light bulb moment. Action does not always equal productivity. How many actions do we take out of a slight panic vs. focused clarity?

In those slight panic moments we might:

• Take action based on a shitty should vs. a true want
• Take action based on what everyone else is doing vs. tuning into our unique vision
• Re-act from panic vs. step into aligned, powerful action

In The Science of Getting Rich, Mr. Wattles talks about the importance of a CMI—A Clear Mental Image. He says it is our job to “contemplate the CMI” until we feel ready to take right action. So many times, we act on auto-pilot vs. our personal, clear mental image of desires. I realized that in my down time, I was actually being productive by being still. I was visioning. I was journaling. I was getting clearer on the 2 major projects I want to launch this year. And in fact, there was no ALIGNED action to take in that moment of panic. I needed to just BE and tune into my Clear Mental Image, so that 2013 could be full of Christina badassness and authenticity. Otherwise, what would all the action be for?

As you step into 2013 and move into action, my invite to you:

• Create SPACE (always)
• Don’t worry about resolutions (most fail). Instead get a CMI (clear mental image) of what you desire. Let it come from your truth. Let that lead you.
• When you feel turned on, excited, pretty clear and maybe even have a bit of the gulp factor (as in “Shit, I wasn’t something BIG!”– then step into aligned action

Got thoughts? CMI shares? WRITE EM’ HERE.

My dream of speaking and freaking my truth through my art + biz is picking up speed.

So undoubtedly I will be noticed more. And guess what? Some peeps won’t like what they notice. As some of you may know, Regena and I are building our own personal brands, www.reclaimyouressence.com and www.christinadunbar.com. And, I’ve been sending out my badassery blog to my list of loves. And peeps are digging it (the ones that get me? we have a smooch fest).

And…

Last night I got a letter in my in-box. This letter writer did not like my blog and this letter writer wanted to let me know why. And (oh how beautiful this Universe is) this letter writer then hit on all my Good Girl fears. In other words I got triggered…

• I was compared to those that were better than me
• I was told I wasn’t good enough
• I was told why I didn’t measure up
• Oh and btw, I could hire this person to help with all that was wrong with me.

And Good Girl Confession #54…It hurt.

My first instinct was to respond. Cuz, I had to stand up for myself. Right? Right??? Or maybe…

My mind wasn’t clear so I did not respond right then.

I also knew (although my alter SheEgo Feisty Fiona did not want to go “there”) that I was only hurting because (oh, perfect Universe) the world was reflecting some inner shadow or belief I had. Otherwise, this letter writer’s letter would have been deleted. Instantly. With nothing more than (perhaps) a shrug.

So… I decided to go cuddle (with myself, blanky in tow) on my bed. I decided to allow the hurt and anger in (cuz resistance = persistence).  I lay with it. I explored it. I heard the thoughts that went something like this:

WhatTheFu** ThisPersonDoesn’tEvenKnowMe- I feel- AngryHurtConfused-OhIDon’tCare-YesIDo-No,IDon’t-WhatTheFu**??

And then I had a BAM (BadAssMoment) of insight.

My ego was hurt.

My spirit was not.

And that was it. I felt… fine?

Another check in with my body. Yup, I felt peace. I felt truth. I felt… dandy.

I saw that the initial reaction I experienced came from my Good Girl. Because my ego still had some “not good enough-ness” left. And hey, it can be stirred up. Cuz, I’m expanding. So this is all gravy as far as evolution goes.

I decided, in that moment of peace, that I didn’t need to respond to said “letter-writer.” Because letting my Good Girl feel the hurt, love the hurt, explore the hurt, and ultimately know in my core that my soul/spirit/badass was feeling dandy… gave me no fuel to fire back.

I simply didn’t need to do it to feel better.

So… you might be asking, “Is the moral of the story, don’t fire back?” or “Feel the fuel before you freak your truth?”

Maybe, baby.

But here’s the thing: Good Girls are notorious for keeping it in and suffocating the words that are crying to spill out.

So a few suggestions to help you decide– Freak your truth? Or not?

You gotta feel into your truth—breathe it, hear it, love it.

Then check in with your heart + ask some Q’s:

• Does this person that triggered you play an important role in your life? (Might wanna freak it)
• Do you constantly bite your tongue for fear of backlash? (Freak it!)
• Do you constantly get into arguments cuz you feel offended—like, a lot? (Might wanna check in there, gangsta)
• Is the situation one that calls for your voice? (Involving injustice, mean-ness, or a cause you believe in)
• And my fave Q—Does your spirit need YOU to speak up in order to heal, be heard, or feel complete? (If not—shush it, if yes—freak it!)

Digging this confession? Wanna share your BAM or thoughts? Come on, sister, we wanna hear from you.